The Lighter Side of Travel
Humor
Catalog
The Wacky
World of Airport People
Staff writer
It's interesting when you're at the airport to observe the different types
of people as they hang around waiting for their flight. After months of
research and copious note-taking, I've come up with some definitive types
you're most likely to find in every airport.
The Bundle of Nerves: Usually a corporate type, this traveler nervously
paces around the gate area. He keeps looking out the window to see if
the plane arrived yet. He'll sit down. Stand up. Make about a gazillion
calls on the cell phone. Check the monitors. Check the window again. Life
is just too nerve racking for this guy and he could easily turn into:
The Drinker: Sure it's only 9:30 a.m. but there he is; bellied
up to the bar, drinking a Heinie like it's the most natural thing in the
world. He's alone and seems to be meditating on his drink. Can you say
cirrhosis? Of course there's the other drinkers too; the gang of
goofy guys that love hanging out at airport sports bars, screaming at
the television screen whether their team wins or loses. They get so carried
away, they barely notice, the beer tab is approaching six figures what
with those prices from another galaxy in airport bars.
The Totally Confused: This traveler's head has the mannerisms of
a chicken; darting here, looking there, with a face full of questions;
Where's my gate? Do I have my ticket? Is the plane on time? Do I have
time to pee? Where's the restroom? Is this the right Concourse? Whoa!
Is my ticket for American or Amtrak?
Cart
People: Beeeep! Beeeep! Cart People coming through! The most
annoying group of people at any airport. They get their asses hauled around
in that stupid 5 MPH cart. The driver has that continuous distracting
beep going. All the people in the cart look at you as they go by: Out
of our way! We're privileged! We're Cart People--we go first! (Some
people genuinely need the cart--and some genuinely don't!)
The Dolled
Up for The Trip Lady: There she is; sporting those Chanel C's on every
article of clothing, acrylic nails pointing conspicuously at anything
she can find. Apparently, The Joker was the makeup artist here:
foundation that's been applied with a trowel with dark lip liner that
looks like she's been sucking on the exhaust pipe of a bus.The hairstyle
displays the softness of freshly poured asphalt. Louis Vuitton luggage
is usually somewhere in sight and sunglasses the size of small satellite
dishes adorn her lifted face.
The Family: Always a joy to be around. Someone is always screaming
and someone is always sleeping. Patience usually runs short when the family
travels together. Harsh whispers of, "Stop it right now! I mean it!
Either you behave or you're walking to Cincinnati!" may be heard.
When the family has infants or toddlers, other passengers in the waiting
area are usually saying a prayer their seat is on another plane.
The Latent
Hippie Type: Stretched out on the floor, eating grains or simply staring
out into space, these folks think they're at home in their living room,
only the airport carpeting is probably better. There's plenty of seats
to sit on, but they'd rather camp out in their own interior Woodstock.
Their consciousness is above ours; but their personal hygiene usually
isn't. It's amazing they travel by plane and not by llama.
As much as I love ranking on people is as much as I love them sometimes.
Therefore this next section is dedicated to:
The Airport Unsung Hero: Every airport has them. The ladies that clean
up the 
bathrooms;
the people that empty the trash containers in the terminal and in general
keep things neat. I had the positive experience of meeting up with Angelica
Benitez, who came to North Carolina from Mexico to work at the Charlotte
airport. Angelica works seven days a week, eight hours a day, for the
airport cleaning service and then leaves that job to work an additional
eight hours at a local Burger King. She does this 7 days a week; her only
night off is Sunday night. She is using the money to put her son through
college so he can have a better life. On her one night off, she tries
to learn English. Angelica Benitez is a hardworking woman who is an inspiration
to us all. Three cheers for Angelica! I salute you--you are truly a hero!
Alright enough of the sappy stuff, you know it's not my style. Till next
time!